Wednesday 30 May 2012

Aurora - Part 4


I stood looking at those things, watching every move I made and slowly reacted, moving forward. They made a noise that I can’t compare to anything I have heard, it was as if they were trying to shout out there larynx, if they did in fact have any. I knew that what with my radiation suit and the fact that I had to run up a hill, it wasn't going to be easy. Almost impossible.
I heard a voice shouting but I couldn't make out what it was saying, it was then that I noticed Alan coming with the shovels down the hill. I turned and tried to lift my legs and run up the hill as fast as possible to warn Alan to run back to Trinity. Just as I moved the things started to move quickly towards me. They made even louder screeching noises as they moved swiftly forwards. I met Alan on the hill as I tried to run up. The dry soil no longer had grass on it, like all the land as far as I could see. I grabbed Alan and pushed him backwards "Run back to Trinity and don't look back" I yelled.
"What's going on?" Alan stared, carrying a confused look and a shovel.
"Just run now!"
 
We ran side by side in our radiation suits; we were about 600 meters from the Trinity elevator located in our loading dock area. Alan still hadn't seen the things, but as I looked back I couldn't see them. It looked like we were in the clear until we got to the elevator.
I pushed the button and the doors opened so I stepped in. Alan went to pick up the other shovel, left on the ground by Colm who must have gone back down to Trinity. As Alan was walking back with the shovels a black object came out of nowhere and stood beside him. He jumped backwards in shock and looked over towards me, as if I should jump out and assist him.
"Holy shit fuck!" Screamed Alan in absolute terror, dropping the shovels.
I thought in my head the right thing to do was to run outside, grab one of the shovels and help Alan, but I didn't. I couldn't do it, I was so selfish for not helping but I just thought that my family would need me more. Just as I had my thought another thing attacked Alan from behind. The thing attacked in a way I have never seen. It wasn't like it wanted to kill Alan; it was like it had to kill him.
One thing grabbed his neck from behind as the other put his arm right through Alan's stomach, he pulled his arm back out, watching Alan’s insides falling out on to the ground, a puddle of red liquid followed by mounds of organs and intestines. The thing dropped to the ground, licking them up with a tongue that looked and acted like a snakes would, while the other pulled off Alan's head and swallowed it in one go, its jaw dropping so something that big could fit inside.
This happened in the space of what could not be more than 7 seconds as I pressed the elevator door as fast as I could. As the doors began to close the things noticed me. They threw the rest of Alan's body at me just as the doors slid shut and after a second it started to move down. 

I stood in the elevator, Alan’s remains on the floor, already giving off the aroma of fresh meat. His head was torn clean off; a piece of ragged skin hanging from the neck was all that remained of it, along with a hole that was punched through his torso to confirm that what had happened was real. I started to drift away, looking at the elevator button pad without realising that I was going back down to Trinity. I couldn’t let my people see Alan like this. The fear and panic this would cause would no doubt send them over the edge and get all of us killed.
As I was getting closer to Trinity I still couldn’t think of a plan to cover the body. The white radiation suits were now a dark bloody red which could not be hidden from the others. The elevator slowed to a halt. I held my breath as the elevators door opened only to see that no one was around. I could hear voices, which had to be coming from the dining area. The walk from the elevator had nowhere that you could hide a dead body so I had to do the only thing that I could. I could hear them up there, screaming in that way that I couldn’t understand, so loud and disturbing. I clicked the elevator button to go back up to the surface with what was left of Alan. Another good person lost. I felt that this would be a familiar feeling but I still didn’t know the full extent of the damage throughout the world. All I knew was the surface was not a safe place, but hiding down in Trinity with low supplies was not an option either.

I ran back to the dining area, bumping into Colm on the way. “Hey Ben, Did you guys finish burying Paul already?” asked Colm.
“No not actually buried, but we have bigger problems right now” I growled distractedly.  
“Fucking hell Ben, what’s happening now? And whose blood is that on you?” Colm took a step towards me. “It’s nothing Colm; I need a few minutes in peace to think, please!” I shouted as aggressively as I could. “Where’s Alan?!” Colm began to panic “Ben! Where is Alan?” he grabbed my arm to pull me back, “Shut the fuck up Colm! You ran back down here, so where were you?”
I know this was not something that I should have said to Colm, but in the moment I was just so angry at what I had to do and what had happened. Colm did the right thing coming back down to Trinity. “Alan’s not coming back down! Something got him out there!”
“What are you talking about? Is it help? Are we not alone?” Colm’s face creased up in confusion. I find that the more questions asked in one sentence the more confused that person is, so by those rules Colm was three times as confused as normal, which was understandable given the situation, but explaining what happened was not going to be any help.
“Just come with me Colm, I’m going to get the others together so I can tell everyone.” I started walking, but he didn’t follow.

I went down to my room to see Joan and Jason but they weren’t there. I checked the other rooms in case they moved or went to find supplies but I couldn’t find them anywhere. I checked all the computer rooms on the bottom floor in case they just went on walk, but I they were nowhere to be found, not even a trace. I even went to Mary’s room, which no one went to since it smelled and looked like a church, with scary religious pictures of people either dying or being killed all over the walls. I never understood why most religious paintings were so dull and depressing, with eyes that follow you around the room. I got to Mary’s door and knocked a couple of times until she answered so dramatically it was if she was expecting someone or something else to be at the door. “Have you seen Joan or Jason anywhere?” I asked, already suspecting the answer. “You have seen them haven’t you?” Mary said in a tone that made me feel like it wasn’t so much a question but confirmation. “No I haven’t seen them! I’m looking for them now Mary!”
“You have seen them, I can tell.” Mary squinted up at my face “What have they done?” She asked gravely.
I was confused at what she was asking me, but I soon realised that we were talking about different people, or different things. “Mary, I need you to tell me where they are right now!” I demanded. “I do not know Ben, but if they’re not inside Trinity, where else can they go but up? 

I ran as fast as I could back to the elevator to find Colm. They couldn’t have got past Colm without him noticing, I told myself. I would have seen them leave the elevator if they did go to the surface. I kept reassuring myself that they were safe and not on the surface with those things. Colm was still standing at the elevator shaft; his face has an expression of surprise across it, staring so intensely that he didn’t even notice me coming towards him. “Colm! Have you seen Jason or Joan? I can’t find them anywhere!”
“No, they haven’t come this way. I’ve been here since I came back down before you and Alan. Did you look everywhere?”
“Yes, of course!” I snapped “but I haven’t found them anywhere and this is the only way up to the surface!” But right then I knew exactly where they had gone. There was an emergency escape ladder on the bottom floor, hidden away so as not to make anybody panic or feel uncomfortable that it might not be entirely safe down here. “Oh, shit…” I ran my hand through my hair, realising that that’s where they had to be, but why would they go there? I told Joan that it was only for emergencies, and I know this is one, but why would she leave while I wasn’t here? It didn’t make any sense.
I turned to Colm to explain where I thought they had gone when the elevator shaft started to hum into life. Something was coming down in the lift. There was no way to tell if it was a thing or my family but either way I had to wait and see.
“Holy shit, why is the lift coming down?” Colm face was a picture of terror. “Why is it coming down Ben?” He raised his voice as panic started to set in.
“I don’t know Colm, but it’s coming and we have to hide.”
 
I thought our best plan of action was to close the door separating the elevator from the corridor and block it with whatever we could in case it was something that was not supposed to be down here. “What the hell happened up there Ben? Is the something that got Alan coming down that elevator?!” Colm’s voice had risen to a scream.
“I don’t know Colm! But we have to be ready if it is. So go get Mary, head to the bottom floor, go to the last door on the left and behind the book case there is a ladder up to the surface. Take Mary and go now!” I made it clear that it was an order.  
I had to take the risk, it was my family. I couldn’t leave them alone in Trinity not knowing where anyone is, but if I was wrong then I was in a lot of trouble. I grabbed everything I could to block the door or at least hold anything off. The elevator was getting closer but it was silent. There was no high screaming, which suggested that it wasn’t the things, but I grabbed any object I could find to use as a weapon, which in my case was a steel table leg, until I spotted a blow torch which must have come from the maintenance rooms.
 
The elevator was just hitting the ground as I picked up the blow torch and tested it to check the flame. As the elevator doors opened to that screaming that was not from any human, I peered around the door to see. Three things emerged from the elevator, but I couldn’t tell if they could see at all let alone see me, but I couldn’t risk it. I did the first thing that came to mind, which was to burn all the items I blocked the door with and run.
I set alight to it with the blow torch, took one quick look up at the things, who seemed interested by the noise and flames, and they must have seen me because they screamed so loud, and it sounded so angry and violent, it was as if they hated me. I ran as fast as I could through the corridors hoping that Colm and Mary where out and my family were safe up there too, but I had been up there already and I knew what could happen.
I ran through the dining area down the white corridors, now spattered with the blood from Paul’s body, I could see the stairs down to the bottom floor and I raced towards them. As I turned around to go down the ladder I saw a thing at the end of the corridor on fire, but it seemed totally unfazed by it, as if he was not on fire at all, but just chasing me. I didn’t notice at the time, but he was alone, the other two were not with it but I was too busy just trying to survive. I got down the stairs and I ran down to the last door on the left. The bookcase had already been moved so I knew that Colm and Mary had gotten out in time.

 I couldn’t look back; I just knew I had to get up the ladder as fast as I could. It took about three or 4 minutes climb up, and as far as I could tell the thing did not follow me. I could see the top so clearly now, not just a hole of light, but I could see the sky. I climbed up on to the surface to find Colm and Mary both sitting on the ground and looking unharmed.
“How long have you been here?” I said gasping for air.
“Only about five minutes, what happened?” asked Colm. Mary did not even look at me.
“The things came down the lift and chased me up here” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“We should close it back over, just in case” Said Colm.
I looked around the land to see if I could see anything or anyone, but it was all flat barren land in front of me, except for one part. It looked like it used to be a barn, but a shabby one, so I did a desperate but stupid thing and I called out for my family. “Joan! Jason!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
“What are you doing, you’ll get us killed” Colm hissed, grabbing my arm to pull me back.
“It’s too late for that anyway my son” said Mary in barely more than a grunt.

Just as Mary put doubt in our minds, Joan and Jason came out from the barn. I waved my arms in the air at them, watching as they rushed towards me. I was so relived to find them safe and alive until I saw them. The two things emerging from the distance. It had to be the two from the elevator, but how and why? I didn’t understand what was happening but they were heading for my family and I had to do something. “What the hell is that!” screeched Colm, helpfully.
“It’s God’s men carrying out his work to cleanse the world of its sinners” Mary clasped her hands as if in prayer.
 
“Shut the fuck up, Mary, please!” I turned on her “Your nonsense and book-bashing won’t work now!” I stepped towards her menacingly “So just take in the situation around you and come to the conclusion that God is not here, and he certainly is not the person behind all of this!”
I lost it with Mary, her tone and act can only last so long before a person cracks. My problem with religion is all the holes and gaps that they fill with the word faith. “Have faith” is their phrase, though what for I have no idea. They ignore the bad things and focus on the good things in the bible, but it’s all just stories. I can never understand how people can devote their whole lives to a cause that is unexplained and unrealistic. That a man in the sky made you and loves you while another man in the ground hates you and will torture you if you go there. I guess I never treated Mary like a normal person because of her beliefs, but her opinions and faith were annoying, she was just ignorant to the facts.
“Oh, Ben” Mary smiled serenely “you never did listen to me, but you should because we are all dead already.” I opened my mouth to speak, but Mary just kept talking “Those things, as you call them, are playing with you. They can kill you when and how they like because it is what they have been sent to do.” She peered around me to see the things approaching and turned back to me, placing  a hand on my arm “Now look at your family, because it won’t be long now.” a hand on my arm “Now look at your family, because it won’t be long now.”

Friday 25 May 2012

Anchorman 2 Teaser Trailers


Anchorman: The Legend Continues has just released not one, but two teaser trailers, before the film has even began shooting!

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy was released in 2004, but after eight years of deliberation a sequel was finally confirmed only two months ago.

The first minute long clip features all four newsmen – Ferrell, Rudd, Koechner and Carell – striding towards the camera decked out in seventies garb in what seems to be a brightly lit film set.

When finally coming to a halt Rudd declares "Oop, it's jean creaming time"…to which Carell simply reinforces: "It's cream in your jeans,"

Anchorman: The Legend Continues will be released next year. Watch both clips here:


Tuesday 22 May 2012

Dark Shadows


Okay, so I have to say that I thought this film was complete garbage. I can't really delve into the plot as I'm still slightly unsure of what this was. I know the film was based on an old TV show, Depp is a vampire who is unearthed after 200 years in the ground and moves back in with his family descendants, this now taking place in the 1970s. Is that correct? I hope so.

The plot was my problem with this film - it was all over the place. One thing seemed to be happening at one moment then another completely different plot thread would occur a second later, with no relation between them. I also thought that the characters were extremely wooden, and pointless. I admit I wasn't paying much attention at the start (or much more for the remainder of the film) but Eva Green's character seemed to come out of nowhere, and Helena Bonham Carter again just served no purpose...everything just seemed like filler for another Burton/Depp vehicle. The script was also dire, the lines were so obvious and the attempts at humour just weren't funny.

I'll give it one thing though, it looked damn pretty. The costumes, make-up, lighting, cinematography...all of that were a delight to look at.

Overall...a complete disappointment. I'm a big fan of Burton's early work, and even enjoy his more recent productions such as Sweeney Todd and Alice in Wonderland, but for me this was just awful.

1/5 (for the aesthetic aspect)

Monday 14 May 2012

Jeff, Who Lives at Home

Okay so I admit I didn't really know what this film was about before I went into the screening, but judging by its title and its main star I assumed it would be your usual Jason Segel playing Jason Segel, as in the likes of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I Love You, Man.

What I got was a film about Jeff (played by Segel) and his older brother Pat (Ed Helms) finding themselves on a mission to first of all discover if Pat's wife Linda (Judy Greer) is cheating on him and then attempting to reunite the two. Meanwhile their mother (Susan Sarandon) spends a day at her work office receiving online messages from a secret admirer who turns out to be the last person she would have expected it to be. In the end the whole family unites and forgive each other for all their past mistakes.

Personally I found this film to be complete garbage. None of the characters were particularly likeable, especially Helms, and if I were his wife there is no way I'd be reconciling with him. The script was so pretentious and cheesy it made me uncomfortable just being in the cinema, and this was after coming straight from a showing of American Reunion.

This may have been an attempt by Segel to widen his CV when really he should just stick to what he does best, playing what seems to be himself.

Others may find this story warming and sweet but personally I just found it conceited and dull.

1/5

Film Ratings: Pleasure or Profit?


This year there has been a number of films which have come under scrutiny due to their rating classifications. First there was The Woman in Black, the latest Hammer horror film which included Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe as its main attraction. This film was cut slightly and given a 12A certificate by the BBFC (British Board of Film Classification). I think the cuts were very slight here, and a 12A certificate was justifiable. True the film did include a few scares, but these were of the jumpy variety rather than a no holds barred gore fest. The film may have received a higher rating had it not been for Radcliffe’s involvement, but as it was the film made a respectable $126,143,243 at the worldwide box office.



Next came The Hunger Games, where two teenagers from twelve districts were made to fight to the death until only one remained the winner. This was also given a 12A certificate after a few cuts. During my trip to see this I was slightly shocked at the amount of pre-teens at the screening. These children were aged twelve at the most and without their parents. Despite the actual violent content of the film, which wasn’t actually too significant, I felt that kids of a young age would not be able to understand the meaning of the film (despite it being adapted from a book for teens). As of today The Hunger Games has made a total of $620,702,000 worldwide so far, making it the highest grossing film of 2012 until the recent release of Marvel’s Avengers.


 What this clearly indicates is that the lower the rating classification, the more money the film is likely to make. The Woman in Black was a roaring success in the UK but would not have been so if not for the attachment of Radcliffe and the 12A rating, and similarly The Hunger Games was marketed as a children’s film but without doubt had an adult theme.

Which brings us onto the highly anticipated Prometheus: the so-called Alien prequel, directed by the series’ originator Ridley Scott. Much debate has been had over whether this film should have received a lower rating to attract a larger audience, or should stick with a higher rating so as to present the film the way the director originally intended. According to the BBFC website Prometheus has been granted a 15 classification, and rightly so in my opinion. To cut material essential to the film may increase ticket sales, but this is a film made for those who love the original Alien films, and to have to watch in a cinema surrounded by shrieking kids would surely deny them the enjoyment of the film they have been anticipating for the last two years.



Tuesday 8 May 2012

Avengers Storm the Box Office



According to the latest figures The Avengers (or 'Marvel Avengers Assemble) has taken $207,438,708 since it opened on Friday in the US. Add this to the $447,400,000 it has made worldwide since April 27th that gives it a total of $654,838,708...making it the 53rd highest grossing film ever according to the IMDB chart.

Only ten films have ever passed the $1 billion mark, but with only having been showing for five days in the US and with many going back for repeated viewings I think Whedon's film stands a chance. After all the top 10 does contain two Pirates of the Caribbean movies and Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

I for one have only seen it twice so far, but will be planning another visit very shortly.

UPDATE: as of today, 14th March, the film has now taken a worldwide total of $1,002,082,000, which should place it just above  2008's The Dark Knight and below 2010's Alice in Wonderland.

 UPDATE (21/05/12): Avengers worldwide total now stands at $1, 378, 000...now placing it in 4th place in the worldwide box office chart, in between Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at no.3 and Transformers: Dark of the Moon at no. 5 - take that Batman!



Monday 7 May 2012

The Hunger Games



So I was a latecomer to the supposed triumph that is 'The Hunger Games'. Having never read the books, I had a vague idea of the 'Battle Royale with cheese' plot but really entered the cinema blissfully unaware of what I was about to encounter.

What I did encounter was an almost packed cinema (despite the film having been released several weeks ago) full of pre-teens and younger. In fact the middle-aged man sitting directly in front of me had a toddler balanced on his knee throughout the film - said child was however probably one of the best behaved in the screening.

So onto the film: The Hunger Games was not what I expected. I can't really be bothered detailing the plot which I'm sure most film fans are aware of, but personally I would have liked to have seen a bit more of the world which held such games. I was slightly zoned out at the beginning so may have missed this but for me the film lacked depth. I've heard many say that this is a film children will enjoy for the action and adults for the dark undertones, but personally The Hunger Games had neither. It had a good premise, but would have benefited from more emotional depth, more action and a greater sense of the regime these characters lived in.


3/5

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Review: "Elfie Hopkins"


                                         

On the 5th March this year, I watched a movie that made me want to cry. Made me look around the cinema looking for the ghost of Jeremy Beadle with a big fake moustache and a camera in hand.  I was so sure that "One For The Money" was a joke and not a movie that I spent the first 15 minutes thinking it was a prank. Sadly for me and the other 6 people in the cinema, it was not.  As a would-be screenwriter who is told many times over that Hollywood is almost impossible to break into, and that getting your film off the ground and into the cinema is a long and difficult process, I sat there thinking "How did this shit get made?". You don't need to be a script-doctor or an experienced film-maker to see how dire it was.  And "Elfie Hopkins" is sadly another. 

The story is not exactly inspiring - a young and aspiring detective investigates the mysterious goings on with her neighbours, set in some rich sleepy village where everyone goes hunting and rides horses and wears jodpurs.  If it sounds like an Agatha Christie / Miss Marple story, then you wouldn't be far wrong.  So with a weak story you would then be hoping for good acting. Step forward Jaime Winstone.  Outstanding in "Kidulthood", and with dad Ray on producing duties, you think this film is in safe hands.  Hands that know how to act.  But no.  If they ever give awards for over-acting (Oscars, BAFTAS) then Jaime Winstone will win hands down. With an accent that makes me want her to have a good cough she frowns and screws her face up all the way through the movie.  One minute she spies the neighbours moving in, the next it's "Dylan, the investigation is on!". Why? For the life of me I could not see anything mysterious about people moving in.  So before you know it, there is our Elfie and side-kick Dylan, looking through their neighbours bins in the next scene (no, it's not a comedy, your not supposed to laugh).

From the hammy cameo from Ray Winstone as a butcher to the ludicrous plot revelation that the neighbours are *pause* cannibals, that same thought creeps back into your mind - "How the hell did this shit get made?".  The answer is no doubt down to Ray Winstone's support and backing of the movie, but if this is the cream of British script talent, then guys, we have a chance of getting our scripts made - because nothing can be as bad as this movie.  Rating - 2/10. And it only gets a 2 because I have a soft spot for women in jodpurs. Only watch if you have to.